i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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