She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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