Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Its about making memories worth repressing
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
