I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
