Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize