I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
