Whats the glycemic index on semen?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
