New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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