I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
