you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
