My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
