I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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