i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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