The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
