New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
