brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
