nut hugger
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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