My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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