Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
