if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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