I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize