Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
