Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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