Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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