So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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