She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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