booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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