Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
