omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
