Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
