we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
