Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
