Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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