Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
