So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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