im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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