I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
