quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
