God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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