Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
