okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
