I think I won the penis lottery.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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