I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
