i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
