I just made out with a guy for $7.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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