i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
