why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
