I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
