He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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