I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
