We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
