I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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