U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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