i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
