R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
