But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize