Soap is not a condiment
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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