She's JV to your varsity
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
