So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
