I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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