Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
