dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
