she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
