WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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