I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
