Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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