I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize