I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
