I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize