Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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