i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
