This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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